before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
