WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Im part way to drunk.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
