What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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