I CAN MOONWALK!
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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