I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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