So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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