The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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