I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
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I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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