Church boner. Awkwardddd
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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