How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
