Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
