I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Your cock deserves a montage
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My dick has a subreddit
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
