yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
