so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Fuck appropriateness.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
