My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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