ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
