I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You're a waste of cheezeits
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
