Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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