I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
