I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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