um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you win again, gameday.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
