xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
so much tequila, so little girl.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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