I need help removing her.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
