dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize