I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
