oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
