She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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