i barfeds in our rink
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
