Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
So squirting runs in the family.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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