I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
