i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
