my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
