So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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