bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
