when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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