I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
