Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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