Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
