I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
