I think I died a long time ago.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
