I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
