I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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