smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
