I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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