A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
