I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
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Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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