I think I am morally bankrupt
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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