Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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