I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
