Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
