I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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