I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
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I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
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So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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