Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
