i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I want a musical about memes.
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