I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
