He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
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I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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