Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
