i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
