Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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