Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
worst night to have a conscience
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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