I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
