Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
