Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i believe in u and ur pee
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
