I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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