I will die if light touches me.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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