Dude my mom stole all your condoms
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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