Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
