so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
