all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
