I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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