I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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