Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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