I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
