just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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