I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you would pick up someone in the library
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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